So, last night was yet another night of crazy train delays on the part of New Jersey Transit. Apparently, when it gets hot the power to the train lines is affected and the trains can't run. You'd think that, having run trains in NY/NJ for the last 40+ years, Amtrak and NJT would be prepared for hot weather, but you would be wrong.
They are not prepared. For anything.
Last night, after waiting for almost an hour with all the other cranky New Yorkers, they announced the track for the express train, and subsequently cancelled the local. About ten minutes later (always efficient) they announced that the express would be making all local stops, so about 3 trains worth of people ran and scrambled and pushed and shoved their way onto the train. It was a hoot.
I ended up on a double-decker train standing on the stairs leading up along with 4 other people, while the stairs leading down were also packed (but those folks were awfully cranky). Everyone was hot as the air was minimal, and obviously in a bad mood, though some more than others.
After about 10 minutes of people trying to prove that they could fit into the already packed car and failing miserably, they closed the doors, leaving us hot and sweaty and cranky and close. Too close. They proceeded to leave us shut in the train for more than 20 minutes with no movement, no air, no idea what was going on. Yeah, it was a hoot, alright.
I ended up standing on the stairs with a friend from the jitney, and we were chatting amiably about books and other things, giggling and trying to keep it light. There was no sense indulging in the angst for that would have only made us, and everyone around us, more miserable. The chick below us on the lower stairs, however, was terribly annoyed that we were not as annoyed as she. While chugging her 20oz Budweiser, she stood on the lower steps cursing up a storm, predictably making certain people around her cranky, and just reveling in her pissiness.
With great effort we, as a group, tried to ignore her.
On the wall across from us was a large poster that quickly caught everyone's attention. It was a poster for Finlandia butter and there, staring every hungry one of us in the face, was a muffin with yummy butter on it. Really, yummy butter.
The discussions about food began to inundate the crowd. We were all hungry and late for dinner, so these snippets of
conversation were not going over well with my very upset, beer guzzling
neighbor and those in similar states of cranky.
I was on my way to a friend's house for Taco Monday and the muffin was not helping things, so I decided to try and focus on something else, anything else.
The word Finland stuck in my head, staring at me from the poster.
Finland.
Finland.
There's a song there. I know that song. I suddenly sang, "Finland, Finland, Finland..." not too loud, but not under my breath either. (Sometimes these things just burst out of me and I can't help it).
"The country where I want to be..." wafted quietly across the train car from a man at the bottom of the steps. We just looked at each other and burst out laughing. There were some smiles from other people as well, but most just looked at us like we had three heads.
Suddenly, "It doesn't look like a killer rabbit to me..." came from the lower deck.
Then, "I fart in your general direction!" from the vestibule near us, complete with terrible French accent.
Now people were finally catching on and laughter was beginning to be contagious.
"This parrot is dead!"
"One more wafer..."
"Bring out your dead!"
"Albatross!! Albatross!!"
There were about 6 or 7 of us tossing Monty Python quotes about and laughing, just trying to remove ourselves from the situation at hand.
The cranky chick was practically apoplectic.
Finally, after a moment of silence, a guy near the door said, "I'd do a silly walk but I think these people would kill me."
That did it. Everyone burst out laughing, giggling, sighing, sharing the moment.
Everyone, that is, except the very cranky, beer guzzling chick on the lower steps. She was not happy that we weren't unhappy. Not happy at all. She was more upset by the fact that we were laughing than she was about being stuck in a metal tube with a thousand other people and no air.
After a string of cursing us and our intimate parts, the silly walk guy said, "Oh, lighten up. We're all in the same boat and we might as well make the best of it."
Just then the doors opened up due to a passenger emergency, because that's what happens when you stuff three trains worth of people into one train for 20 minutes with no air, passengers pass out and have emergencies. Our cranky neighbor led a charge to exit the train, invectives trailing behind her along with several other unhappy travelers who decided to try their luck elsewhere.
About two minutes after that the doors closed and we left the station, but now with slightly more room and a feeling of camaraderie.
As we made it to our respective destinations, we Monty Python fans said goodbye to one another, wished each other luck, and smiled.
What could have been the ride from hell turned into a crowd effort to maintain sanity by a group of nerds, and it was lovely.
So, to the folks on the train that love Monty Python... Thank you for joining in the moment, for making light of a difficult situation, for letting your nerd flags fly on a typical New Jersey Transit nightmare ride. It wasn't fun, per se, but it was entertaining and it definitely took our minds off of the fact that we were packed in like sardines.
Also, you kinda rock.
