Body Spray

To the guy on the train that thought it would be a good idea to douse himself in Axe Body Spray while on the train... you suck.

For one thing, that stuff smells like sweaty feet.

For another thing, spraying more of it on yourself doesn't make it smell better, it just makes you smell more.

I mean, did you not notice that the rows around you emptied of people, even though there were no empty seats on the train?

Did you not hear the gasping, coughing, hacking response to your attempt at hygiene?

Did you not realize that everyone left on the car was wiping the tears out of their eyes all the way into Manhattan?  Did you think you just happened onto the sad car?

I feel that it is my duty as a fellow passenger (and a woman) to warn you that the commercials for Axe may be a bit misleading.  Women do not run to you and attempt to undress you the moment you spray yourself, unless we are trying to dunk you into a vat of soapy water to get that smell out.  You do not appear "cool" or "awesome" when you spray that stuff on, you make everyone hate you and want to be very far away.  Especially on a train.

The sneezing alone should have alerted you that something was amiss.  Our car sounded like a musical commercial for allergy medications: the coughs, wheezes and sneezes the notes of the theme song, keeping rhythm with the train as it sped along.  It was bad.  My nose felt like it had been assaulted with a tiny can of industrial drying agent.

Don't do that again.  Ever.  Whether you are on a train, or at home, or out in a sunny field.  Just don't.

So, to the guy on the train that thought it would be a good idea to douse himself in Axe Body Spray while on the train, next time, how about a shower instead.  Please.