I had to take a later train home last night and, apparently, it was the dinner train. Everyone around me was quietly and politely eating their dinners, trying as much as possible to keep it private.
I ended up sitting in one of those "facing each other" seats, across from a man and his popcorn. He had this popcorn in a paper bag tube (that's the only way I can describe it) that was as long as his arm. He would hold the bag up like a trumpet, his mouth attached to the end of the bag, and chomp on mouthful after mouthful of this popcorn.
If only that was all he did.
Each time he held the bag up to his face, he would moan, groan, smack his lips, and "num-num-num" for the entire 30 to 45 seconds the bag was aloft. It was incredibly inappropriate. After he had filled his maw with as much popcorn as he could, he would continue the moaning and groaning while he chomped and chewed with his eyes closed.
People around us were getting very uncomfortable. The girl sitting behind him was mortified and kept hiding her blushing face in her hands. The people across the aisle were giving him looks of death, and fanning themselves. One guy walking down the aisle looking for a seat actually muttered, "Oh, man!"
It got to the point where people started to look at me like, "Dude, do something!"
I would look at them back like, "Why me?!?!"
Then they would look at me like, "You're closest!"
And I would look back like, "That doesn't make me in charge!"
And they would look at me like, "Somebody's got to do something!"
And I would look back like, "Not it!"
And then we all just looked at each other. Except popcorn guy. He just kept on "num-num-numming" his way through the bag.
Finally, when the bag was empty of popcorn, and he pulled the piece of bag from his mouth, he heaved a big sigh.
I said, "Good popcorn?"
Everyone around us laughed.
He just looked at me.
So, to the guy on the train making love to his popcorn... it is really inappropriate to do that in public. Shut it down!
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